As I form closer relationships with some of the women in the community I am learning more and more about how relationships between males and females are structured. It seems that the two sexes really don't mix. Males don't talk to females and vice versus. I have learned this is pretty much the case outside of big cities, in the rural towns and areas of India. In bigger cities like Chennai and Mumbai, "no one cares".
Here is the structure as I currently understand it (but I'm still gathering more info).
At a certain age (9 or 10) girls and boys must stop interacting - no talking, no looking, nothing. They go to separate schools. Girls can talk with their fathers and brothers - that's it, no other males like uncles, cousins, friends, etc. In the case of co-ed education - which some colleges are - females may not speak with the male students and vice versus. In the class you may speak with the teacher (male or female) but not other students of the opposite sex. If you want to have a discussion in class, you only discuss with the teacher. If you disagree with an opposite sex class member, too bad, no talking.
So I thought, "ah.. when you marry...then you can talk to the opposite sex"... NO! When you marry you are only supposed to speak with your husband, no other men. For the men it's the same, no other women.
So this raised a LOT of questions for me. Like, what about work? You are allowed to speak with anyone you have work relations with. What about shopping in the markets? You can speak with anyone in the market you are doing business with. What about when people come over to your house? No, only business relations of the opposite sex are you allowed to speak with.
This obviously needs a lot more discussion for me to fully understand. I asked for the "reason" behind all this separation and was told, "because if men and women are friends, they will fall in love". I of course thought of work place romances, but did not want to bring that into the mix.
How do the women feel about this possibly changing in the future? Most of them seem to think it will change - that men and women will be able to talk - and they are OK with it changing. Right now, they just accept it.
What about me? I talk with anyone and everyone. "I'm unique, different, it's OK for me to speak with anyone." Which is good because I have been of course.
I cannot imagine being separated from half of the world's population. Think about technology and how this makes this structure nearly impossible to uphold. Before I came to India I read an article how one village had banned females from using cell phones because the elders thought the women might be talking to men on their phones. I simply cannot imagine.
Here is the structure as I currently understand it (but I'm still gathering more info).
At a certain age (9 or 10) girls and boys must stop interacting - no talking, no looking, nothing. They go to separate schools. Girls can talk with their fathers and brothers - that's it, no other males like uncles, cousins, friends, etc. In the case of co-ed education - which some colleges are - females may not speak with the male students and vice versus. In the class you may speak with the teacher (male or female) but not other students of the opposite sex. If you want to have a discussion in class, you only discuss with the teacher. If you disagree with an opposite sex class member, too bad, no talking.
So I thought, "ah.. when you marry...then you can talk to the opposite sex"... NO! When you marry you are only supposed to speak with your husband, no other men. For the men it's the same, no other women.
So this raised a LOT of questions for me. Like, what about work? You are allowed to speak with anyone you have work relations with. What about shopping in the markets? You can speak with anyone in the market you are doing business with. What about when people come over to your house? No, only business relations of the opposite sex are you allowed to speak with.
This obviously needs a lot more discussion for me to fully understand. I asked for the "reason" behind all this separation and was told, "because if men and women are friends, they will fall in love". I of course thought of work place romances, but did not want to bring that into the mix.
How do the women feel about this possibly changing in the future? Most of them seem to think it will change - that men and women will be able to talk - and they are OK with it changing. Right now, they just accept it.
What about me? I talk with anyone and everyone. "I'm unique, different, it's OK for me to speak with anyone." Which is good because I have been of course.
I cannot imagine being separated from half of the world's population. Think about technology and how this makes this structure nearly impossible to uphold. Before I came to India I read an article how one village had banned females from using cell phones because the elders thought the women might be talking to men on their phones. I simply cannot imagine.
I think 10 to 20 years from now, the women that you've encountered will remember you as someone who was way ahead of their time with your forward thinking, bold manner and state-of-the-art technology. You will be the McLuhan or Dewey (whichever learning theorist - I can't remember - who said and did things way before their time).
ReplyDeleteIndiago girl is 'back from the future'.